A Super Mom - No, not me.

I crawled into bed beside Max, who had crawled into bed beside Quincey. I'd been out and now it was late. I laid there for awhile holding Max and replaying the evening's events over and over in my head. The thoughts kept me far from sleep so I've logged on to write about it in hopes that I'll then be able to sleep.

It's been a busy week with lots going on, and I've been letting myself get stressed out over the little details of life. Today put everything back in perspective.
First things first - little Eloise took a tumble and ended up with a big purple goose egg on her forehead. I was devastated. Sat and rocked her and cried with her. How could I let that happen? Horrible. She was fine and bounced back quickly, but throughout the evening while at an indoor play gym for niece Layla's party I would still fight back tears every time I looked at her sleeping sweetly in her chair with that big purple goose egg on her soft white head.
While Elly continued to sleep, the party moved from the play equipment to the party room where we'd have dinner and cake. I bustled about here and there trying to help Mary serve the children and stay organized. I felt a tug on my pants. I continued serving drinks. I glanced at Max, the one tugging. He was crying. What now? He had thrown a fit when it was time to go into the room and I had to physically carry him in and put him in a seat as he cried and fought me. I got on his level and took him by the shoulders, "Why are you crying now?" He wasn't making any noise and was beginning to panic. He was choking.
This isn't the first time Max has choked. In fact, Max has a bad history of choking ever since he was a baby. Usually he panics, I panic, he turns red, and he coughs it up - or down..whichever. Then he gets a lecture on taking small bites and chewing his food properly. There was one time when he was much younger that he was choking on something - it's always food - and it became quite tense and I flipped him nearly completely upside down as I whacked his back harder than I've ever hit anyone, and it thankfully came right out. This time was different.
Since we'd had lots of experience with choking before, I remembered what I'd been told about allowing him to work it up by himself. As long as he's making noise and coughing let him be, I was told. By now we were away from the table. We were both standing. Let him be, I thought, but I knew right away this was serious. He wasn't making any noise and the colour had drained completely from his face. Not bright red like in the past. Not even to a pale white. A scary shade of grey. This is where I failed my son.
Panic stricken and barely able to talk, I skreech out "DO SOMETHING!" I had at this point put my arms around him from behind with the intent to attempt the heimlich. I remember feeling his fragile little ribs and being terrified that I had no idea what I was doing and didn't want to hurt him. I know. It doesn't sound logical now. He wasn't breathing. Who cares if this hurts him? It was all happening so fast, and I just wasn't confident that I was doing the right thing. I have no idea what else was happening in the room, but all of the sudden one of the other mothers sat down, put him over her knee and started pounded. Nothing happened. I was crouched on the floor face to face with him as he was draped over her knee. He was turning blue. He held my stare. I will never in my life forget the look in his eyes as we stared face to face in those few moments. His big glossy brown eyes with their dark long wet lashes stood out so starkly from the grey and now blue that his skin was turning. Susan started digging in his mouth and bit by bit I watched her throw the pieces of chicken nugget on the floor. He started gagging and coughing, and I took him and held him as he coughed and sputtered for several minutes. That's when the rest of the room suddenly became real again. I realized that Charlie was crying and being held back. Whoever had her let her go and she ran to us. She had no idea what was going on. I don't think Max did either. Max nuzzled into my neck and became calm. He didn't cry at all after that. I tried to reassure Charlie that everything was fine and Max and I were OK, but she was hard to convince since I was still crying.
The party continued on as it should, and Max stayed curled up on my lap and fell asleep. I was glad. I wasn't ready to let him go.
He woke up about a half hour later and was happy and played. Later on both he and Charlie asked lots of questions about breathing - why we do it, how we do it, what happens when we stop, why would we ever stop. They both assured me on different occasions that they were still breathing and gave an exaggerated example of it. Little sweet peas...they shouldn't have to worry about whether or not they'll keep breathing.

Guess who'll be taking a first aid course??

My Superguy last week.

My shame.

Comments

[Yvie]

I'm so happy to hear that Max is doing okay now. I can't seem to move in my seat as I read through your journal entry. I would have freaked out or fainted when I am in that situation. I don't know what I'll do because, unfortunately we weren't taught first aid in schools here. Unbelievable isn't it?

Glad to hear he's safe now. :)

[Mickey]

You've got me crying here! Very scarey! Good thing he didn't go into a corner by himself! Makes me think everyone of us needs to take or review this procedure as this can happen anytime anywhere to anyone!

[Pat (Millipat)]

These events, although scarey, don't make you a bad mom...you get an A in my books.

[Michelle]

You did the No. 1 thing you were supposed to do: Look your son in the eyes and assure him you were there. Absolutely no doubt. I would have done the same. My son also had a chicken nugget choking event at a young age - I screamed to my husband from the kitchen and we were able to unlodge the nugget pieces. But it was so frightening. And just a few weeks ago - also at a birthday party - we were there 5 minutes when my son had an accident on the trampoline and we ended up at urgent care with a broken arm. Things can happen anywhere. As moms, we just be sure to get them the care they need. A great job by you, mommy. You're doing great.

[JQ]

Didn't Rob have a choking crisis when he was a baby and Thelma was the one to rescue him?

[Sara]

Good ol Thelma